11/08

I had heard about things like "polling lines" before, I had just never actually encountered them. I pulled into the Baptist church parking lot to cast my vote and saw the line of people snaking out the door. (As an aside, let me say that nothing reiterates the philosophy of 'Separation of Church and State' better than a smiling portrait of Jesus looking benevolently down on you as you try to figure out the new electronic voting machines. These things make make MP3 players look easy to operate. It's nice to know that the state that won the Constitutional right to hang stone tablets (!) of the Ten Commandments in criminal courthouses hasn't given up on the idea of making sinners (those that vote Democratic) repent.)

Back to the story, though. So, I parked, got out of my car, and wandered over to the line, trying my best to avoid all of the volunteers encouraging everyone to, "VOTE KINKY!" I asked some of the people in line how long they had been waiting. My heart sank when I heard answers like, "2 1/2 hours" or, "I don't know. I sat down and rested in some of the pews for a while, then I got up, now I'm here. I don't know how long I've been here." A woman 32 weeks pregnant joked that her kid started out as a zygote when she started waiting to vote. It was that bad.

I had to weasel my way into the church to talk to the Head Voting Clerk. HVC was clearly having a bad day. His polling station only had 10 new voting machines for the entire zip code. Each zip code, or voting district in this circumstance, only had one polling location. There are 28,661 people in my voting district. If I had to estimate, I would say that approximately 85% of those were waiting to use those 10 machines. The HVC was sweating profusely and trying to quell the dissension among the angry voters. He wasn't too happy when I finally got a chance to talk to him and told him that I needed to fill out a Change of Address form.

I registered to vote in Texas when I lived at my parents' house. I never changed it because I'm lazy and I wasn't really sure if I was going to stay in my apartment very long. I thought I could just go to any district and vote. HA! Little did I know. The HVC informed me that I could fill out a nice little green form and then vote next year.

Good thing I researched the Texas voting procedures before I went church. I told him that I'd be happy to fill out the nice little green form and then he could give me my provisional ballot. "Ahh...yes," he murmed, "You CAN fill out a provisional ballot on voting day. No one ever does that." With a raised eyebrow and a cyncial expression, I thought, "Well, that's probably because you don't tell them about it because it makes your job harder. Now leave me in peace do to my patriotic duty before I consider trying to hack into your voting database and unanimously elect Chris Bell."

Provisional ballots are the craziest idea in voting since the Electoral College. Basically, because I changed my official place of residence without sufficient notice to the Secretary of State, I got a, "We'll count your vote if we feel like it" ballot, better known as a Provisional Ballot. The notice I received as I walked out the door assured me (in English and Vietnamese, but not Spanish) that, "A determination whether your ballot will be counted will be made by the early voting ballot board after the election. The notice will be mailed to you no later than the 10th day after the local canvass which is scheduled between 8 and 11 days after the election."

So I should find out whether or not my vote was counted between the 18th and the 21st day after I voted, or when the cow jumps over the moon and the next dawning of the Age of Aqarius draw near, whichever comes first.

This state rocks. The ironic thing is that I'll actually get to find out whether or not my vote was counted whereas everyone else that waited in line for the chance to spin the little wheels on the new voting machines will just have to wonder.

11/07

Election Day - the day were we all get to go out and participate in the legislative process of the government. Here in Texas, it might as well be called, "The Day We Scare the Crap Out of Every Living, Breathing American, Amen and Praise Jesus".

I've never lived somewhere that used such excessive scare tactics to persuade voters. The hot-button issue, of course, being immigration. I would have liked to have been in the room when the Republicans came up with the idea of building a fence between the border of Mexico and the United States. I imagine the conversation probably went something like:
__________
White Guy A: "Even though the Southern economy would completely collapse without under-paid immigrant labor, we need to find a way to signal that we, as God-fearing Republicans, are TOUGH on illegal immigration."

White Guy B: "I showed my neighbor I was serious about kicking his dog's ass next time he crapped in my yard by building a fence. Then I got Charlton Heston to come over and personal autograph my 'Right to Bear Arms' poster in my driveway just to show that I MEAN BUSINESS"

White Guy A: "So what you're telling me is, you built a fence and then started patroling the fence with personal fire arms and small munitions? That's genius, but, wait, don't these guys already do that for us?

White Guy B: "Well, there are nearly as cool as the National Guard. Nothing says WE MEAN BUSINESS like getting armed service men and women involved to patrol our fence. Let's not forget, the Berlin Wall kept those dirty commies out for twenty eight years. I bet we could do better than that."

White Guy A: "*shuddering* Well, I'm not proposing building a wall. Just a fence. You can see through a fence, but you know what would be really great, is if we built not only one fence, but three fences! in a row!! Then maybe booby-trapped the area in between the fences and had some snipers on stand-by in the hills, just to take potshots at the folks trying to enter our country."

White Guy B: "Amen and Praise Jesus. The truth has been spoken and it is righteous. Now, I need to be gettin' goin'. I'm fixin' to buy some meth and have hire a male prostitute before dinner. "
_________

That's just one of the issues that politicians in the Lone Star state like to get everyone riled up about. Let's not forget trying to scare people into believing that their PROPERTY TAXES WILL GO UP! or YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE EATING TAINTED MEAT AND E-COLI LADEN SPINACH IN THE SCHOOL CAFETERIA! if you don't vote.

Also, am I the only person that thinks it's weird that an organization dedicated to providing "non-partisan information for voters...so that votes can be based on issues rather than on personalities and popularity," only has issue stances for the incumbent, gubernatorial candidate, Rick Perry? That's weird, right?

Well, I'm not scared to rock the boat, even if the worst thing they can call him is a "gay-loving, anti-corruption, Washington liberal". Amen and Praise Jesus. Go out and vote.

10/24-2

A joke from a Mom's Calendar on my desk at work:

"What a Northern Mom says:

If you can't say something nice about someone then don't say anything at all!"

"What a Southern Mom says:

Her hair is such a ratted mess, bless her heart"
________________________

You may have had to experience life in the South to fully appreciate this humor, but let me tell you, I laughed at loud. The joke reminded me of the time when I bought new strappy sandals for wearing to work. I showed them to my boss' boss, a fashionista in her own, Texas-way, who said so sweetly with a drawl, "Why NSP...those are very cute new shoes that you have there. Now all you need to do is get those toenails done and you will be fit for show"

Literally, the words, "fit for show" were thrown in my direction in response to my UNPAINTED toenails.

I love Texas.

10/06

Some people do spring cleaning. Right on the cusp of spring, people around the world suddenly feel the need to sweep out their closets for the first time, get rid of the debris around their fence, and welcome the change of the season with wide arms. The feeling can be euphoriant; freer, lighter - emerging with a clearer sense of purpose.

Spring in Houston has the opposite effect on the population of southeast Texas. You can feel the heat and humidity creeping into the air and with a sinking feeling, you begin to prepare for hibernation under the air conditioner. Let me just say that the Houston Livestock and Rodeo Show in April is the world's largest INDOOR rodeo. Even traditional outdoor activies are moved inside for eight months out of the year.

Record high temperatures aside this past week, October is the silver lining out on the horizon for Houston weather. I swept the patio free of dirt and swept all of the leaves out of the storage area, cleaned all of the first floor windows (inside and out), and managed to get all of the laundry off the rug in the living room. This morning it was 68 degrees out, with a slight breeze. Of course, the high temperature of the day made it up to 91 degrees, but MNS didn't seem to mind too much.

Did I mention that MNS came to visit Zac and I??? I didn't? I've been too consumed with stupid assholes saying stupid things to me? Well, that is my mistake.

MNS's visit spurred the cleaning frenzy. She's my first out-of-state, non-family visitor (hi Aunt Jen!!!) and I was more excited than I wanted to admit. So, I cleaned.

Of course, the beautiful weather outside meant that MNS and I were able to take Zac to a park close to my parents' house where Zac squinted and hammed up for the camera, as witnessed below:

Heeheehee, I'm so cute, especially when eating an apple

But, then again, I also got in front of the camera to get some lovin' (although I think he just wanted the apple):

And there was swinging. Much, much swinging to be had at the park (by now, I feel that if you haven't noticed the amazing tie-dyed onesie that Mr. Zac is sporting under the jean overralls, then I should bring it to your attention):

I'm such a big boy. I know.

And we all basked in the attention of Aunt L., who made this weekend special and wonderful:

Baby feet! I'm holding baby feet and you all can't have any!!!!

9/05

I'm back! Although I never really left. Can you hear Madonna starting to swell in the background as I type?

"Don't cry for me Argentina! (Texas) The truth is I never left you. All through my wild days, my mad existence, I made a promise...don't (please) keep your distance"

I spent the weekend watching movies - alternating between four hour naps on my couch and waking up every fifteen minutes throughout the night with Zac, who just wanted confirmation that I was still there. I think I heard him murmur, "While you are up, do you think that you could just rub my back a little? Ahhh...that's nice, thanks Mam...*snore*" He had large quantities of fluid leaking out of his right ear and my Mom was worried that Zac would go deaf while I was walking around assuring everyone that leaky ears were normal for a sick baby/toddler. Her reply was something along the lines of, "EARS SHOULDN'T LEAK!"

Hmmm...maybe she had me there. Self-doubt creeped in, followed by the words, "This could be why Zac isn't talking yet. He could have hearing loss." There is no rational argument to that.

I drove down Saturday morning to the pediatrician by my parents' house and left Z. in the care of a sweaty Grandma and Grandpa, who took him to the doctor after their morning run. I was lucky enough to drive up to the Saturn dealership and spent the next fatigue-laced three hours finishing up, "The Time Traveler's Wife," which everyone should read, and the latest issue of People, which no one should read - ever, unless you've lived abroad and can fully appreciate how asinine the whole thing is.

Zac got better news than my car. The fluid meant that his ear tube was working correctly by stopping the fluid from collecting behind his ear drum and causing an infection. They gave him ear drops, just to make sure that the ol' tube kept up its good work and sent Z. home for a three hour nap. I found out that extended warranty shops take the ENTIRE weekend off for Labor Day. I spent my entire, weary, cranky morning waiting for that little nugget of information. I couldn't get my car fixed, even if I wanted to.

Personally, I've been struggling with some issues for a couple of weeks now. After two months of not getting my period, my beloved pill, is causing me to have some spotting. This normally wouldn't be a big deal, but the hormonal changes that occur while that is happening have caused some problems. I hate to chalk everything up to hormones because all of my underlying issues are still there, they are just exacerbated by the chemical changes. My face has been breaking out, horribly. I've been overeating because -ha!- if, "I'm ugly and miserable, why not be fat too?" I've gained back some of the weight I lost earlier in the spring and summer. Zac's constant need to explore everything, including all objects strategically placed on the tops of tables, has been getting under my skin. He's pushing more buttons than I knew I even had. Last night, he was tired, cranky, and started crying everytime I said the word, "No," which I said approximately thirteen hundred times. I started crying. Then I ate some more pizza and felt sick to my stomach.

8/30

"As long as there's stars over Teeeeeeeeexas, then I'll hang, the mo-oon for you"

Dear Texas,

I'm tired of you always hanging the moon for me. Every damn night, all I see is the moon in Texas. I want more! Vermont, California, and even Missouri have started flirting me, giving me the attention that I don't get at home. They tell me that I'll like the way they hang the moon better.

You've made me hate 90+ degree weather in late August. I mean, really, can you please just acquiesce to the fact that fall has descended all across America? You can't hold out forever you know. I promise. Eventually, I will wear sweaters and wool socks and love cuddling under a blanket. Right now all I want to cuddle with is a bucket of ice water and copious amounts of Shiner Bock beer.

I need more space. Barring a very fast, emotionally challenging trip to Pennsylvania in early July, I haven't left your borders since New Year's. I haven't even left the greater Houston area!!From Huntsville down to Galveston, I know every nook and cranny of the north-south interstate. I can also drive in circles, on beltways and loops, never leaving the city (!) as the brilliant planners of this fine city decreed. Everything is circular, and brings me right back to where I started.

It's not that I want to permanently leave you. I just want to explore some different parts of my soul. New York keeps calling me, leaving me voicemails, telling me that I need to get my f'ing ass out there or it's going to beat up the brother I don't have. New Hampshire is feeling neglected because I always idolize Vermont, but really, it knows that it has a piece of my heart. Colorado has been asking me to visit for the past three years, but have I made time? No. You know why? Well, I blame you.

You've cowed me into believing that I shouldn't mess with you for long enough. First chance I get, I'm outta here.

Sincerely,

Not-so-Pregnant-in-I-wish-anywhere-but-here