Ok, I've "officially" been on Jenny Craig now for a week. Here is the honest truth: I'm starving. The 1500 calorie diet is incredibly hard. I find myself to thinking about food all the time and I've succumbed to late-night binging twice this week.
Somtimes I'm just so hungry. When I weighed in on Saturday, I had lost six pounds. My counselor told me that the first week was the "dramatic weight lost" week. I would like to officially rename that week as, "WTF" week. Every day, that is what I kept thinking. Really, "WTF? Is that all the food I get? Is there another course somewhere that I'm missing?" Lunch has been the hardest, going back to my desk still hungry. I've gotten a little panicky, looking around for more food, wondering how I was going to ever make it through the afternoon knowing that an orange and non-fat yogurt for an afternoon snack might meet an ugly end when they are thrown against the wall of my office in frustration. Of course, though, I wouldn't do that because then I would probably roll my eyes, let out a long sigh, and then walk over to the wall to lick it off.
Every Jenny Craig meal is between 190-300 calories, supplemented by fruit, vegetables, and dairy products to average out to 300 calories, five times a day. Go ahead and try to feel full off that amount of food. It's difficult. It can be done, but it's difficult.
The pattern of using food for comfort and protection against my insecurities has intensified by the lack of caloric intake. I've found myself not necessarily hungry, just craving that full feeling, the feeling that everything is alright within my body and within the world. I'm so used to eating when I'm bored or just eating to feel better that I have no idea what my body actually needs. Hunger sets off the, "Good Lord, what I am doing?" feelings that I want to immediately quash with food, preferrably with something salty and a little savory.
Is losing weight really this important to me? I feel like I'm in some kind of shock therapy treatment. After awhile, maybe the ice baths won't hurt so much and I can focus on the bigger picture of achieving a healthy, more active lifestyle. At this very moment, I would take fat and happy over skinny and neurotic.