Sunday, November 05, 2006


I've calmed down about Mr. Tugboat. Yes, there was and is a lot of chemistry between he and I, but it was more about my own insecurities than him. I thought maybe it was going to be the fairy tale romance, the kind that seems to exist for other people, but hasn't crossed my path yet.

I went over to his place on Saturday with Zac. For the time being, he rents a room at a bed and breakfast, while he's saving up to put a down payment on a condo. It's hard having a screaming toddler in one room with no where to put him down for the nap that he so desperately needed. Tugboat said that seeing Zac and I together made him miss his son and made him realize that he's ready to move into something with more than one room.

I ended up driving Zac back to my Mom and Dad's house just so the other tenants in Mr. Tugboat's house wouldn't think that I was torturing my poor son. Tuggie came in and met my parents, which I'm sure was quite a surprise for them. Not only hadn't I told them the name of the guy I was dating, I hadn't mentioned his age or that his sexy salt-n-pepper hair makes him look older than his 32 years. My Dad didn't go that gray until 40+ so I could seem them mentally trying to calculate his age. I think he made a good impression with the rents by immediately talking about cars with my Dad and complimenting the house with my Mom.

I wanted the awkward situation to end so I grabbed some clothes and we headed out to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. Over chips and queso, I asked him if he was talking to anyone else on-line. He said he was talking to 4 other women, but he only dates one at a time.

That's me.

It's strange being on the other side of the table when those words are spoken. I've dated more than one person at once, or dated someone while being interested in another, moving quickly from person to person. I'm just not in that place right now. I would like to take the time to invest in a relationship, to give it time and space to grow, to see if it's right rather than trying to juggle the feelings of multiple people.

At the restaurant, I was quiet, trying to not show my disappointment. He read through it. He grabbed my hand and told me not to be sad. He saw that I was trying to smile, but that it wasn't as genuine as it was before he said those words. We left the restaurant and even though my mood was dampened, it helped to know that he was checking the fringes of the relationship for something better. At least then I know that if the relationship fails, it won't necessarily be because of me.


jenna said...

ok, i'm really confused. what i am missing? out of the 4 women he's talking to, he wants to put his time into dating just YOU. why are you sad? i really don't get it. are you sad that he's talking at all to other women? surely you are keeping your options open too, and would exchange an email or two with someone if they approached you, right? where's the harm in that? he has every right to date more than one person, but he's not - he just wants to date you. this is good, no?

ss said...

hey NSP,
i've been in those shoes (dating multiples AND being one of those multiples for someone else) and i definitely agree. no matter what, it doesn't feel good to be told that you are just one of several options. even if you're the only one he's technically dating.

props to you for expressing your feelings around that, it seems like he understood and was responsive.

and keep taking it one day at a time. who knows where things will go? he seems like a good guy, based on your own assessment. at least he doesn't rock out to meatloaf :)

xoxo always

wildflower said...

Hey pretty lady,
Just relax and enjoy yourself. Tuggy sounds like a sweet and sensitive guy, so I think you should just keep going on dates and see where things go with him. I agree with jenna - you're the one he's with.

Pregnant In Texas said...

Maybe I've been on WAY too many internet dates and I've lost perspective on this one. All I can say is that when you go looking for something better, you find something better. That he's interviewing other potential candidates makes me feel like I don't measure up. It also makes me paranoid of expressing any emotion other than elation when I'm around him.

Melanie said...

i'm with Jenna here, too. i wouldn't be so quick to feel dismayed at the beginning of dating someone if they 'fess up to talking to other women. a) at least he's being forthcoming; b) it's not a bad thing to do, given how tough dating can be; and c) again, you're the one he's dating. weren't you just talking recently about the importance of taking things more slowly -- not getting wrapped up in that initial rush of a relationship only to become disappointed when things didn't work out...? i know that it's not exactly what you want, but i wouldn't feel like he's on the fringes of the relationship, actively looking for something (or someone else) -- just that he's taking a more level-headed approach to things. don't give up on this just yet -- level-headed and steady could be just the right antidote to some of your recent dating escapades...

pamela said...

I fourth that emotion. Trust us, B. And enjoy yourself :) You're overthinking this one.