I've calmed down about Mr. Tugboat. Yes, there was and is a lot of chemistry between he and I, but it was more about my own insecurities than him. I thought maybe it was going to be the fairy tale romance, the kind that seems to exist for other people, but hasn't crossed my path yet.
I went over to his place on Saturday with Zac. For the time being, he rents a room at a bed and breakfast, while he's saving up to put a down payment on a condo. It's hard having a screaming toddler in one room with no where to put him down for the nap that he so desperately needed. Tugboat said that seeing Zac and I together made him miss his son and made him realize that he's ready to move into something with more than one room.
I ended up driving Zac back to my Mom and Dad's house just so the other tenants in Mr. Tugboat's house wouldn't think that I was torturing my poor son. Tuggie came in and met my parents, which I'm sure was quite a surprise for them. Not only hadn't I told them the name of the guy I was dating, I hadn't mentioned his age or that his sexy salt-n-pepper hair makes him look older than his 32 years. My Dad didn't go that gray until 40+ so I could seem them mentally trying to calculate his age. I think he made a good impression with the rents by immediately talking about cars with my Dad and complimenting the house with my Mom.
I wanted the awkward situation to end so I grabbed some clothes and we headed out to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. Over chips and queso, I asked him if he was talking to anyone else on-line. He said he was talking to 4 other women, but he only dates one at a time.
It's strange being on the other side of the table when those words are spoken. I've dated more than one person at once, or dated someone while being interested in another, moving quickly from person to person. I'm just not in that place right now. I would like to take the time to invest in a relationship, to give it time and space to grow, to see if it's right rather than trying to juggle the feelings of multiple people.
At the restaurant, I was quiet, trying to not show my disappointment. He read through it. He grabbed my hand and told me not to be sad. He saw that I was trying to smile, but that it wasn't as genuine as it was before he said those words. We left the restaurant and even though my mood was dampened, it helped to know that he was checking the fringes of the relationship for something better. At least then I know that if the relationship fails, it won't necessarily be because of me.