I started today with the feeling that it would be a two-post kind of day (Hi April!) . I just got a call from the FOB. I've managed to not talk to him for two months, although the last time we spoke it involved me swallowing my pride to ask for $200 to help cover insurance co-pays and prescription medication costs. Much to the FOB's credit, he sent the money Western Union and I was able to use what was left to purchase a step stool for Zac to get up onto the couch and some extra sippy cups.
So, he called me today to say that it had been a long time since we had talked (duh!) and he was wondering how "the baby" was. Hmmm...well, the baby is no longer a baby. The baby is a full-fledged toddler with ideas, opinions, and desires of his own. He's starting to walk and - Oh, Happy Thanksgiving, asshole. Guess you could have called on the major holiday instead of waiting until I was at work to call.
I know, I know, I could have called him. I thought about it on Thanksgiving. I even debated it with Mr. Tugboat (who said that I under no circumstances should call him. If a father wants to talk to his son, he should call. Since that agreed with what I was feeling, I listened to him whole-heartedly). Zac isn't really saying enough words to make a phone conversation with him anything other than painful for all adult parties. It's fun to listen to him playing and "talking" to his toys in the background. That's about it.
Ugh, the worst part of the conversation was when I asked the FOB why he continues to call at all. I just don't see a point to it. If I told him that something was the matter, he couldn't do anything to fix it. If I said that Zac was a genius with a remarkable ability to fingerpaint masterpieces with his toes, what good what that information do him? I understand the curiousity factor. This child has half of his genetics and looks more like him than he does me (although his smile that lights up his face - that's all me, sucker). I can understand why someone would want to check in on their off-spring, it just shouldn't be half-assed. Either you are in a child's life or you aren't. To me, that's clear. Calling once a quarter should be reserved for stockbrokers and phone solicitors. Parents need to actually show that they care.
He said that he doesn't call more because I "always do this to him". The "this" being making him feel bad for NOT being involved in Zac's life. Honestly, at this point, I want him to leave us alone. When I was pregnant, I couldn't understand how a man could completely emotionally and financially abandon a child. It's done now. It's over. I had Zac and the State of Texas garnishes his wages. Other than $400/month in child support (which I am thankful for) and the very rare monetary gift to cover medical expenses, I don't want or need to talk to him.
Why would I?
Better question: What will Zac ever have to say to him? Dad, thanks for the money this month. Mom bought me a pair of shoes and cooked dinner six days this week. I really like food.
It will be Zac's choice to make whether or not he communicates with his biological father and I won't stop him from talking to the FOB. I just think that will be difficult for him to have a relationship with a non-entity.