So, it wasn't that I meant to write about how much I like reading blogs in the morning and then not write on my blog in the morning...it's just that....well, I didn't feel good. I woke up with a migraine and an intensely seriously need to vacate my bowels.
Let me back up. Remember when I said that Zac had ringworm - ON HIS BUTT?! Well, last Saturday, I started getting a ring-of-fire rash on my cheek. It itched and I scratched it. Until it itched some more and started oozing. Then I freaked out because, "OMG - I have ringworm ON MY FACE!" As Dee told me via e-mail, "I know your son's butt is cute and all, but you need to stop rubbing your face on your child's ass." Yuck. That's all I have to say to that. Well, that and: yuckyuckyuckyuckyuck.
So I went to the doctor to show her the said flesh-eating rash. Good news, it's not ringworm. Bad news - it is an allergic reaction to hair dye, which has been exascerbated by stress. My doc was actually all very concerned about my stress level. I've been having cramps in my lower abdomen area, which in all pratical purposes is my uterus. It feels like my uterus is cramping into a hard ball and then uncramping. Again and again.
The kind doc, that looked like she was maybe two years older than me, had me lay down and then proceeded to press on my various parts of my belly. Did it hurt under the ribcages? Nope, didn't hurt there. By my belly button? Nope, not there either. Right above my pubic bone? DING - DING - DING. That's the sweet spot that made me cry out in a discomforting, "Ugggggh...stop pushing there!"
I was given a cup and told to go pee in it.
That felt very, very familiar.
Good news - I'm not pregnant and I don't have a urinary tract infection.
Bad news - the source of my cramps might be digestive and she prescribed me laxatives that would make a large elephant crap himself for days. I spent the morning pooping and holding my head. Then pooping some more. If that doesn't make the pain away, I'm supposed to get an ex-ray (edited to note: apparently even my x-rays get their hearts broken and they become ex-rays. They, much like me, probably aren't having much sex either) and a very large bucket...