Friday, June 23, 2006


It's interesting to note the reactions that people had to my last post. Was it his more conservative social views or the fact that he wanted to date a single Mom that made Do. more suspect than any other man I've dated off the internet? It reminds me of that great line from, "The World According to Garp" when the narrator's Mom proclaims that she was a Sexual Suspect because she wanted a child without being married.

The whole idea of being a Sexual Suspect is interesting to me. Who gets to decide when something is out of the framework of moral acceptability? Putting all legality aside (I'm assuming that all romantic/sexual acts encompassed in this post are legal in the 48 contiguous US states) when do people get to start using words like "sketchy", "skevvy", or "perverted" to describe another person?

I talked to a friend last night who said that she started internet dating in early 2000 - at a time when internet dating was considered more dangerous than fun. Now, it is almost as acceptable to say that you met your partner on-line as it is to say you met them at your synagogue or gym. When describing how you met your partner, the conversation might go something like this: "Well, I was checking out some new titles at Netflicks and I - just on a lark really - decided to check out *enter in any legitimate internet dating site here* and I saw Bob. We've been together ever since!"

The lack of premediation here is important: internet dating is really only truly acceptable if you didn't set out to do or don't devote a majority of your time to that pursuit. You have to have a "real life" outside of the box on the computer, or at least that's what people say. My real life isn't very interesting. Where does that leave me?

P.S. - No word from my second interview about a job offer. I called yesterday, but the Executive Director was out. I have the feeling that they offered the position to someone else. Trying to stay positive though.


p said...

Well, B, I get the squicks just from the really interested in dating single moms thing, definitely not the internet dating thing. And yes, online dating now is commonplace and not as dangerous as it may have been--but I still leave the guy's full name and phone # with my roommates, and let them know where we'll be going before I go out with anyone new. I signed up for because I was looking for it, not Netflix :) and I'm not weirded out by the concept, or even telling people about it (obviously)--but I am weirded out by a guy who expressly states that he wants to date single moms. Not because I don't think single moms shouldn't be attractive or allowed to date, again obviously!!, but because it's possible he thinks single moms are vulnerable and needy and in an emotional position to put up with a lot of crap for a man. Remember Hugh Grant in About a Boy? He goes to "single parents alone together" group to pick up lonely women! It's not that far-fetched.

I don't think anyone was warning you about internet's just as risky as being set up by friends, or meeting at a bar. But what I do think is this guy raised some alarm bells and we wanted to let you know before you met him. If you even do.

p again said...

p.s. forgot to say, good luck with the job!!!

jenna said...

i completely and totally agree with p (thanks, p!). this guy would have still raised the red flags with me if you had met him in a bar. it almost sounds to me like he wants to meet single moms so he can push his conservative views on the next generation. and someone who's against gay marriage?? do you *really* want someone like that to be a potential for a father figure to your child? you can do SO way better. don't ever sell yourself short. you as a single mom are perfect. if you find a guy (or girl) to co-parent with you, all the better, but never settle.
and yes, this one's squicky. whatever the hell that means. :)

Pregnant In Texas said...

Note: He wasn't against gay marriage. Someone like that wouldn't get more than five minutes with me.

I also haven't talked to him since.

jenna said...

ok, my bad. i guess "hesitant to endorse gay marriage" just upset me enough to make it equivilant in my book. what's there to be hesitant about for goodness sake.

but ok, 'nuff said. just know we are just cautious out of love for you. seriously.