Friday, June 16, 2006


Today I'm struggling with the question: "Would it have been worse to continue seeing someone that I didn't feel that gutteral attraction to or worse to let a sensitive, caring, attractive man walk out of my life?"

I'll let you decide for yourself. Here is what I wrote (with some editting for privacy) P. this morning, after he left my house last night. As you are reading this, consider whether or not this is a little ridiculous after three dates:

"Dear P:

I'm in an awkward place right now. I want to write to you and tell you how I'm feeling about last night. I also want to crawl into a hole and not get out again. A. said it so well recently when she was commenting about internet dating. Her theory is that since you have no social network in common with people that you meet on the internet, it is easi(er) to "disappear off the face of the planet" because you know that you won't have any casual meetings with that person again at church, Wal-Mart, or your best friend's, friend's wedding. It's an interesting theory, one that I'm mulling over today.

When you left, I felt like one of the worst women - ever. You are a great man and I am unbelievably intellectually attracted to you. You are very handsome and a man that I would proudly introduce to my parents. You like Zac and actively want to be a Dad. Really, I shouldn't want for anything else. If we could form a relationship from e-mail, IM, phone conversations, and evenings snuggling on the couch - I would. Last night, I harbored the fear that you were secretly feeling the same way that I was: your mind wanted to be in a relationship with me, just as your arms wanted someone to hold, but your heart didn't.

So, that's where it comes down to. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I don't regret it, though. I wouldn't trade meeting you, if given the chance.

What are your thoughts?

- Not-so-Pregnant

P.S. - I would understand if you didn't want to respond to this e-mail and instead you decided to "disappear". I hope that is not what you decide. If it is, though, know that I wish you the best and know that a woman would be stupid - really incredibly stupid, for not seeing what an amazing person you are. "


Anonymous said...

The world doesn't always have the stars break out when you meet someone. Sometimes the relationship needs to grow. I know that is true with my 30 yr. relationship.

FR said...

i think it's incredibly honest and respectful of you to put your feelings out there like that. the letter was beautiful. sometimes you DO just know.

and i really believe if things are meant to move forward with P, it'll happen as a result of the honesty with which you're approaching him, not in spite of it. i admire the way you live by your beliefs. tell it like it is, woman!

Amanda said...

"Last night, I harbored the fear that you were secretly feeling the same way that I was: your mind wanted to be in a relationship with me, just as your arms wanted someone to hold, but your heart didn't."

This part resonates with me. I was married once before to a man I could probably have lived with for all my life. When it didn't work out (after only a few months), I decided that if I were to get married again, it would be with someone I couldn't live without.

Someone you can live with or someone you can't live without?

There is a big difference between loving with your brain and loving with your heart.

p said...

I can't add any more of my own wisdom, so here's George Michael's instead:

"Before this river becomes an ocean, before I pick my heart back off the floor, I'll reconsider my foolish notions. Well, I need someone to hold me, but I'll wait for something more...'cause I gotta have faith."

You gotta have faith that there are more fun dates out there for you. Sometimes you can just tell you'd both have more fun with someone else! The letter was a little..sincere for someone you haven't know that long :) but it was perfect, honest, and no one could blame you for being "just not that into him."

Yay B!

jenna said...

ok, don't forget to tell us how this ends - will he write back? will he disappear? will he beg for you to give him another chance??

b/c your letter was EXACTLY the type of thing i would have done, and then i would tell my friends about it and they would say i'm a loony and it's only been 3 dates and are you kidding me, and watch him run.

so i'm curious. thanks for being my guinea pig.

(really hope i didn't just piss you off. i love you!!)