Can someone please tell me what has possessed my child? He used to sleep wonderfully, waking up only long enough to suck on some boob and then fall asleep. What has happened to those blissful days?
Last night Zac went to sleep around 9pm, then was up from 12-1am and then again from 4am-6am. I was so tired that I forgot I usually wake up around 6am and somehow convinced myself that it would be a good idea to wake up at 7:20am (which is usually the time I leave for work). I'm in a zombie state of discontent this morning. I have no real idea what is wrong, besides being incredibly tired, but my boss actually pulled me aside to ask if I was ok. Hmmmm.... not so good.
Something seems wrong - like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've felt this way all weekend, even though, besides my mild anxiety attack Saturday night, nothing really interesting took place.
Maybe I'm just cranky. The whole family is leaving for Pittsburgh on Thursday to spend Thanksgiving with my Dad's family. Aunt Jen is coming down, sans the hubby, and everyone is very excited to see Zac. It will be the first time that most of my extended family has ever seen me as a mother. Part of me is worried about their acceptance of me as a young, single mother. It is easy to say, "Yes, we support you," at a distance, but much harder to look at a person juggling a screaming four month-old while trying to eat turkey and keeping the dog from jumping on said child and not wonder if maybe she's over her head.
I also like to take naps sometimes. When I wake up, I feel so guilty that I had to ask part of family to watch Zac. It feels like I couldn't hack it, had to call a timeout, and revert back to my selfishishness. No one ever told me that there would be this much guilt involved with parenting.