6/10

Let's talk about false labor for a second, shall we? It turns out last Tuesday I was in "false labor" when I wrote my last post, which is basically one of the most humiliating experiences that I've had in quite a while and that is even including simultaneously vomiting and pooping during my last stay at the hospital. The hardest part about false labor is how distrustful it makes you of your own body, especially during a time when you supposed to be the most intune with what is going on inside of you.

So, I sat there at work measuring my contractions for two hours, dealing with the pain and uncomfort of having them come every 15 minutes, and watching everyone around me freak out. It's a little known fact, but people get paranoid around pregnant women. They think that they are going to go into labor at any moment, so it is especially challenging for them to deal with it when you actually do start to go into labor. I called my doctor and he told me to go to the hospital for evaluation. One problem: I work in Northeast Houston and my hospital is in a suburb south of Houston about 45 minutes away. For those of you Houston folks that can sympathize, try driving on I-45 South at 3pm with unbelievably tight contractions for an hour or so. By the time I got to the hospital, I was literally panting and holding onto my back.

I pulled the car into valet parking, much to the shock of the man who parked my car and helped me to the door, and tried not to fall over before I reached the fourth floor. A funny thing happened on the fourth floor, I layed down and the contractions stopped. I almost fell asleep. I was tired and I had gas. Had I been at home when this happened, I would have taken a nap, but since I was at work, I had no choice but to take the contractions seriously and go to the hospital. The patronizing nurse actually congratulated me when I had a contraction in two hours. Bee-otch. I left the hospital crying and trying to tell myself that it was normal to think you are in labor when you're actually not. You know what though, it didn't feel normal. Nothing about it felt normal.

In other pregnancy news, I've had some crazy insomnia lately, which leads me to wonder about these women with newborns who say how tired they are because the babies don't sleep through the night. I haven't slept through the night since sometime in my fourth month. I pee every two hours like clockwork and I usually lay on the couch for an hour or two trying to get to sleep. Who are these women that have been sleeping blissfully during pregnancy? Someone get me in contact so I can find out there secret.

At least once the baby comes I can have somone to hang out with at 3am. My cat always sleeps during that hour. Lucky bastard.