aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH
ggggggggggggggggggRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
____________________
That really does feel better.
It's like I'm living in my own trainwreck. For those of you wondering about yesterday's comment section, he's not talking about getting back together with me romantically. He's talking about waiting for me to be his friend (remember? I was taking space). He's seeing someone right now and told me that she is the most important person to him. "As," he said, "you were when we were dating." I found that out when I had a panic attack last night and I called him. He asked if I could wait 30 minutes because he had to call her back. I couldn't.
When we spoke a little later he told me that he's frustrated because I complicate his life. He wants to move on: be friends, date others, laugh, and enjoy each other's company. He asked that I take more time to resolve my anger because I'm not ready to be his friend.
______________________
Thank you, Anne, for listening to me last night and caring for me.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
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32 comments:
Dude--
Do you need a friend like that? Homeboy has an inflated sense of self-importance, and you're feeding it. Get this dweeb OUT OF YOUR LIFE NOW.
signed,
Not Another Goofy Bitch
I know you want to try to be friends. I know you miss him. But no man is worth your tears. No friend should make you feel the way you feel. Sure, friends can piss us off when they do something stupid or tell us something we don't want to hear. But what he is doing is not what a friend would do. You don't have to put up with this. You are worth more and you need to keep telling yourself that. Anytime you get the urge to talk to him, call someone, call me. As the poster said above, you are feeding his weird need for self importance. He is taking advantage for his own benefit, friends don't do that.
Exes should not be friends. Period.
one thing i have learned to ask myself after being with people is....
"how do i feel"
is he helping you to love yourself more...
is he feeding your self esteem...
is he adding to your life..
is he appreciating you?
carolyn in austin
Yea, what everyone else has said. I could not say it better myself. Yikes.
And personally anyone calling the women commenting "bitches"? well, not exactly cool in my book. That is a very demaning remark and speaks of how he views all women, in my opinion. And it is not good.
Hang in there. You WILL get through this. Give me a shout if you need to talk.
MOVE ON. please, please , please - i'm begging you. seriously. this man is toxic. as anything - a bf, a fuck friend, a friend, an emergency babysitter - anything.
couldn't agree more with what others have said above.
and i can't believe i totally missed the "bitches" thing - HOW FUCKING DARE YOU, ASSBOAT? come on to OUR girl's blog and bad mouth her friends? not to mention the way you've been treating her. you move on, too - go find someone else to mindfuck.
what she said!
carolyn in austin...
aka ... non bitch
Get your track shoes on. . .and run like hell the opposite direction. This boy needs a glass stomach, because his head is so far up his _ _ _ it's the only way he could see where he is going.
See how hard these women are fighting for you? How much they are standing up for you? How much they think you are worth? That is what you should be able to count on from him (even if you are just friends)
YOU DESERVE BETTER! I know its hard to be alone (I can't imagine being a single mom). However, he is taking away from your life, not adding to it!
Oh, and he is frustrated because you complicate his life????? WTF??
Then be friends with a potted plant! Oh, wait, that would require watering and sunshine. Better make it a plastic plant.
As a friend, all I want to know is this: Would you let a female friend treat you like that?
I guess that's what I want to know. It is hard and I can't even possibly pretend to know how hard it is for you, but I want you to know that you deserve better.
I find it absolutely impossible to be friends right away with exes. It's too confusing, too emotional, and the lines between friendship and something else still too blurred. After a breakup, until you find someone else to be your primary source of emotional/romantic/sexual support, you can't successfully be friends with an ex. It's just too hard. Since he is already sleeping with someone else, he might feel ready to be friends. Because, you're awesome, and you were a good friend to him. But I don't think you're ready to be friends yet (not that he even deserves it), and I don't think you should try to force yourself to be, either. Because taking space for yourself is so good. It allows you so much more time to focus on yourself and those around you who are important, and to take time to heal. And for me, and probably you as well, that takes a long time. And if this is a friendship that you do really want to have continue in the future, for whatever reason, you have to take space for yourself now.
After I dated a very good friend and we broke up, we tried to stay friends. It was a complete and utter disaster, and we almost irrevocably destroyed our friendship way more so than either our relationship or breakup ever could have. Now we are friends again, but it was because we ceased all communication with each other for months until both of were really able to treat each other well again. And in order to get back to our friendship, I needed to just be away and let myself move on and heal. And it's so hard, and there were days when I felt such a lack and a loss of that friendship in my life, and I so wanted to just be able to pick up the phone or write an email. But I knew that I couldn't right then, and in retrospect, that decison to just let go was absolutely right.
I think you need to let things go and revisit in some near future. Sounds like he will always be looking out for himself, and you need to look out for yourself. Move on, and leave this person in dust as you are waving by. Let him realize the mistake that he has made...
Oh, I'm so tired of these anonymous(es?) (s?) comments. Whatever.
I hope he does read these comments. We're ALL right.
MOVE ON!
I am one who loves to give the benefit of the doubt...but not this time.
Stop talking to him. I beg you.
Cruisermel,
I'm with you on the Anonymous comments. For some reason, this subject in particular doesn't encourage people to leave their names. I wish they would.
I'm not afraid to leave my name, I'm just trying to get over being furious with some slackass calling me a goofy bitch. I really hope you let him have it in real life NSPIT. You deserve better.
April
"I'm not afraid to leave my name, I'm just trying to get over being furious with some slackass calling me a goofy bitch."
I was the first comment. And I second April's emotion. (except for telling you to let him have it. I just wouldn't bother.)
cheers,
P
Trying not to laugh as Z-man fell head first into the toyboy... you. Bouncing Z-man while playing old "Flogging Molly" songs and laughing... you. Proudly walking out the front door of "That club" without paying for "Everything", then laughing about it in the parking lot... you. This self-loathing crap... not you. These clucking hens are just fueling the fires of misery. Please get past this soon. When its time for all of us to go out, get a beer, and laugh about who's week sucked the worst ... let me know.
Or maybe these self clucking hens aren't worried about our next screw and are sincerely worried about their friends feelings.
April
speechless, fucking speechless.
Mr. Tugboat,
I don't ever think you read the trainwrecks site before it shut down. I showed you it once, but you probably didn't get a chance to go back.
One thing I learned from reading the comments on trainwrecks is that someone coming to defend themselves on a website always ends up badly.
My self-loathing and complications to your life are not completely of my own making. It's important that you see that before I can move past this, quickly or otherwise.
NSP
P.S. - Please don't tell me that I choose to be unhappy alone and then list the times that we were happy together. I have many good friends and a son that makes me smile on a daily basis. I am a happy person that is going through a hard time.
P.P.S. - Commenters, please don't tell me when I should or shouldn't contact him. That is my choice. I appreciate your advice and I'm choosing to respond in this forum.
I'm sorry you are going through this NSP. It's easy for us commenters (esp. the anonymous ones) to try to be your therapist. I don't have any great advice, I just want you to know you have a whole community of lurkers and friends alike who are behind you, no matter what you do. My personal opinion is Tugboat is toxic, but it's YOUR opinion that counts.
Kelly
I'm at work tonight (Wed), give me a call any time...
someone coming to defend themselves on a website always ends up badly.
he not only attempted to defend himself, he insulted your friends.
Hey, NSP - I just want to say I think it's great that you didn't wait and called someone else for help. You knew what you needed and you looked until you found it. Good job - it's not always easy to take care of yourself, but you really did.
I would put something quippy or funny right here but I'm not all that funny. So.
he sounds really beneath you... i just cant fathom having anybody in my life who calls women bitches and hens!
carolyn in austin
he sounds really beneath you... i just cant fathom having anybody in my life who calls women bitches and hens!
carolyn in austin
he sounds really beneath you... i just cant fathom having anybody in my life who calls women bitches and hens!
carolyn in austin
If I'm a hen then he's a jackass, err, mule.
If any of you are 'bitches' or 'hens', than I would proudly put myself in that category.
And, yes, I do see very clearly how hard you all fight for me and how it's hard to see me hurting.
Thank you.
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