Laying on my bed, applying a hot compress to my left breast, talking on the phone to Mr. Tugboat:
Me: I had a really good time at dinner with you and little J-man (his son). Thank you for meeting up with Zac and I. It was a little hectic with two kids and two adults, but I think we survived.
Mr. Tugboat: As soon as you got there, I could feel little J-man tense up. I don't think he wanted you there.
Me: Oh, I'm sorry about that. I wanted to spend time with him.
Mr. Tugboat: It's just so weird. He gets along with all women, including the ones that live at my house, the ones we see at the credit union, and he really loved the woman I went on a date with before you and I were in a relationship. He played so well with her.
*one, two punch* now curled up in the fetal position
Me: (feebly, in my opinion) I don't know what to tell you. Maybe he senses that there is something going on with us and he's scared that I'm going to take the place of his Mommy. Zac is also much younger than little J-man and they're both only children. Maybe he feels threatened by Zac and the attention he gets.
Mr. Tugboat: I don't know. Maybe. If Zac were five, it would be a different situation.
Me: Zac isn't five.
Mr. Tugboat: I just wish that little J-man was more comfortable around you. He's just so tense when you're around.
Me: (silent, with mounting heartburn and the knowledge that I will up for a couple of hours agonizing over this conversation)
*final punch to the right temple. Down for the count*
I've been rejected by plenty of people in my lifetime, just not people that aren't tall enough to ride the big rollercoasters at Magic Mountain. Having a five year-old dislike me is one thing. Having his Dad, who I happen to like quite a bit, get very concerned about his five year-old not liking my son and I is totally another.
If anyone had asked me before I entered into a dating relationship that involved a five year-old, I would have told them, "Well, damn, you know that I'm not very good at being one of those great, wild and kooky adults around kids. Some people just get kids and I'm not one of those people. Did I mention that I'm fabulous with pre-teens and teenagers?"
I'm also just not handling things very well. The fatigue has kept up all weekend and my breast started hurting two days ago. When I massaged it, some very small fluid came out and, for those of you that don't want to go through my archives, I can tell you that I stopped breast feeding about ten months ago. I don't know what's going on with my body. Everything feels off.