Wednesday, October 04, 2006


Well, the polls have closed for this morning and 99% of all men that I've dated in the past year think that I'm confusing. I know this because - well - the bastards told me so!

Let's review the reasons that I'm a bad potential mate, shall we? All of the excuses are listed in italics under the reasons.

1) I don't know what I want/ I'm high-maintenance

- I claim to want to date casually, yet then I start to "get serious"
- I claim to want to date seriously, then I go out on dates with more than one person
- I always need to be told that I'm pretty, smart, funny, and enjoyable to be around (show me the person - I'll leave gender aside for the moment - I mean the person that doesn't like to hear that!)

2) I have forgotten what it's like to be in a "real relationship"

- Single motherhood has made me bitter towards men (this is a personal favorite of mine because they seem to forget that I'm raising a little man. I have more daily contact with a baby jo-jo than I know what to do with! Bitter towards men? Hell, you can't be bitter while wiping poop from the underside of a pair of balls. You just can't. I dare you to try.)

- I have a martyr complex and think that I should do everything by myself (ok, that one is true)

- I have too much baggage from being left by the FOB (I always feel that I should mention that I left the FOB and not the other way around. He just abadoned any and all thought of being a father)

3) I'm too young/ I've never been married

- You can't know how much it sucks to be married until you've done it once (or twice in some circumstances) (This is for some reason considered a negative trait of mine. I don't get it).

- I've never lived with someone (true again)

So, just in case you are all wondering what is going on, I had a talk with R. last night. The romance had started to fade from our dating relationship and I felt less than desirable and adored. He and I had agreed to go slow, see where things went, hang out, get to know each other - all of those things that people tell each other when they don't want to be alone, but they don't want to commit to each other.

I saw where it went and I liked spending time with him. I actually wanted to spend MORE time with him, providing that he could start doing the little things for me that he used to do. I shouldn't have to ask someone I'm dating if they find me attractive or if they like spending time with me. I don't care how non-communicative (which R. isn't) a person is, I'm a firm believer that for a relationship to work, you need to TELL or SHOW the person on a regular basis that they rock your casbah.

Maybe I am high-maintenance.


Anonymous said...

I think it would be encouraging at this point to ask them for some positive feedback...

carolyn in austin

Anonymous said...

I don't see what the problem is. If I was a guy I would totally want to date you! ;)

Anonymous said...

I plan on e-mailing you later, but you don't have to stand for any of that negative crap. No one is perfect. It sounds like you're communicating what you want; that makes a great mate in my book. It isn't your fault if they can't give you what you're looking for.

T, from back in the day

Anonymous said...

Please, you're not high maintenance at all. I've been dating my partner for several years and I still make him tell me I'm witty/beautiful/strong even when I'm stressed out, weepy, and haven't showered in days. It's what partners are supposed to do. That's why people get into relationships in the first place! Sometimes it takes effort, sure - sometimes I DON'T think my partner's as funny or as good at poker as he thinks, but I tell him he's hilarious and oh-so-clever b/c I love him and want to be with him. You'll meet someone who gets that. Just don't feel like you ever need to apologize for recognizing and wanting it.

jenna said...

i want you to know i took some of your last paragragh and blantantly cut and paste it into an email to a guy (givig you credit, of course) to rove that i'm not crazy for thinking the exact same thing.

g-starr said...


i agree that it is not too much too expect or high maintenance to want positive feedback. so i also try to ensure that i give it to others.

i do however want to share a precious bit of related irony with you...

recently, my current bf asked me NOT to tell him too much about why i think he is wonderful, because he says i give this kind of encouragement to all the people i love and it keeps him from feeling special enough!

so we can't win, apparently :o)