Sunday, September 24, 2006

9/24

I think it's time that I finally admit it: I need help.

Take a deep breath and fasten your seatbelts because you are going on the rationalization ride of your life.

I spent the weekend at my Mom & Dad's house (sans Mom, who was at a chorus retreat all weekend) with Zac. I don't remember much of the weekend except that it involved copious amounts of pain followed by wonderful pain medication. The first dentist I saw on Tuesday had only prescribed me Vicodin, regular strength. After three hours in the dentist chair on Friday with the dentist drilling into my very soul trying to find the root of all of my issues, he prescribed by Vicodin, E.S. He moved the lamp back and leaned over the chair in a conspiratory tone of voice and whispered, "The E.S. stands for Extra Strength." "Really?" I thought, "this man is a genius and needs to be awarded some type of 'Dentist of the Year Award,' especially for practicing at a clinic that smells like human urine."

I was only being partially sarcastic. I've got much love for those that liberally prescribe pain medication. My offer to marry the man that gave me my epidural during child birth still stands.

Vicodin E.S. and I slept most of the weekend. I woke up on Sunday thinking, "Wow, these teeth still hurt like a bitch." I usually bounce back pretty fast, but the root canals had me on my knees.

I finally got back to my apartment late Sunday evening (which is like 6pm for my family and I) and once again the thought occured to me: I need help. This thought has been floating through my brain for the past couple of weeks as I've been trying to figure out how I can start incorporating going to the gym and taking better care of myself. I realized that the only hours of the day that I have free are from 5:30-7:30am. It's great because Zac is usually asleep (I am as well, I should point out). I was thinking that maybe someon from my apartment complex could come and hang out on my couch for two hours every Tuesday and Thursday, while I go to the gym. Then I realized - why stop there? Maybe they could unload the dishwasher, fold some clothes, for-the-love-of-God vacuum every now and then??

I started rationalizing that since I've started my new job everyone from the lawyers, to the case workers, to the receptionist makes fun of me for bringing my lunch every day. It's a habit that I started at the Food Bank where the closest restaurant for lunch was B.Y.O.H.G. (Bring Your Own Hand Gun) and shirts were optional. If you wanted to eat at that organization, you brought it yourself or took hour-and-a-half lunches. At my new job, downtown H-town, there are swank corner cafes, basement delis, and at least two Quiznos on every corner. No one eats in the office except me and the kid on parole in the next office over who has to leave early every day to finish up his mandatory community service.

By buying lunch at the grocery store, I spend about $2.5 - $4. If I ate out, lunch would easily cost me anywhere between $8-$10. So, I save between $15 - $30 each week. Before, I needed every last cent that I was saving to do little things like pay my rent and keep the electricity on. Now, I'm in a little different situation. I wonder if I really could pay someone $7/hour for 4 hours a week = $28/week to help me around the house and make sure Zac stays sound asleep.

What do you think? Do you think I should try and find someone? Am I out of my mind for even considering this? Should I just quit whining and put Zac in the free-low cost child care that some of the gyms offer? Should I just quit whining in general and suck it up? I can always take care of myself when Zac graduates high school.

11 comments:

annab said...

dear not-so-pregnant,
you owe it to yourself and zac to get someone to come in and help you. believe me. i just have myself to take care of and i have a live in roommate who cooks and cleans in exchange for rent and it relieves A LOT of stress. it is a little wierd, but the help makes up for the weirdness factor, and it is definitely worth the expense. whatever works for you, great. i cannot recommend it enough.

p.s. i hope your mouth feels better soon.

wildflower said...

I agree - you need help and shouldn't be ashamed to get it. I am shocked at the number of my coworkers who have a maid service - and they don't even have kids!

One more thing: In my experience, root canals don't hurt when you're done. That's the idea - they take the nerve out so the result is pain free. Are you still in pain?

dee said...

I say if you have the funds to spend to get someone to come help you out, it would be very worth it. Everybody needs a little "me" time.

Hope your mouth is feeling a little better today.

p said...

You can start employing the H-chapter of the Babysitter's Club! Seriously, what's wrong with taking a couple hours a week for yourself? You'll come back focused and feeling good! And even better if the babysitter does a little cleaning...

p said...

p.s. I bring lunch every day.

Pregnant In Texas said...

It's hard to not classify work as "me" time. Clearly, everyone that goes to the office 8-9 hours a day knows that there is nothing further from the truth, but I'm still away from Zac and I can basically do work how and when I want to as long as I meet the deadlines.

Work closely approximates "me" time, although it falls short. I just worry that I'm being selfish for even dreaming of more. How much is too much?

Anonymous said...

If you are able to bring someone in to give you some alone time then by all means do that. You will come back to Zac refreshed ready to take on what he throws at you.

I can relate to the mouth pain and the joy of pain meds. I've had some problems and am going in for 2 root canals on Thursday. I love the feeling when the pain meds kick in and my whole body feels warm.

mynewshoes said...

From the time I was in 6th grade (paid $2/hr) until I was in college ($10/hr) I worked as an afternoon/evening “mother’s helper/nanny/babysitter/whatever you want to call it.” The families I worked for came in all different shapes and sizes, but many were 2 parent households and mom needed a break regardless.

Give young, idealistic, responsible, maternal teenagers out there like me a chance. Maybe start with someone who is there when you’re there, then slowly start leaving the house for increasingly more time as you and the caregiver are ready…

p said...

I agree with MNS. I babysat a tiny little baby and a 4-year old when I was 12 or 13. The mother stayed home but worked in another room while I was there. I never had to bother her for anything. I changed diapers, fed the kids, did the odd dish... I wasn't maternal at all, but I liked the kids and I liked earning money! Even a 16-year old is mature enough to leave alone with Z, and they work cheap!

Work is not your time, by the way. Try not to feel guilty about needing some B time! It's not like you're talking about abandoning him with the nearest responsible-looking person to go out and party in Cancun or something.

BTW there are some tye-dyed onesies winging it to H-town as I type. Look for them Thursday or Friday...

xoxoxox
-P, again!

Ali said...

Us mothers always feel guilty when we could be with our child/children, but leave to do something else. There is no need to feel guilty at all. It will make you a better mother, getting a break, and appreciating your time with him that much more. And really? He isn't old enough yet to remember you left him for an hour or two to go workout or whatever else. He will never know and will be having a blast while you are away. If you can swing it financially, then why not? You will feel better about yourself and therefore not pass on any resentment. Go for it!

lauxa said...

for going to the gym, I'd use the free gym daycare. one of the best things about the gym IMO. use your childcare/cleaning budget for extra hours.