9/05

I'm back! Although I never really left. Can you hear Madonna starting to swell in the background as I type?

"Don't cry for me Argentina! (Texas) The truth is I never left you. All through my wild days, my mad existence, I made a promise...don't (please) keep your distance"

I spent the weekend watching movies - alternating between four hour naps on my couch and waking up every fifteen minutes throughout the night with Zac, who just wanted confirmation that I was still there. I think I heard him murmur, "While you are up, do you think that you could just rub my back a little? Ahhh...that's nice, thanks Mam...*snore*" He had large quantities of fluid leaking out of his right ear and my Mom was worried that Zac would go deaf while I was walking around assuring everyone that leaky ears were normal for a sick baby/toddler. Her reply was something along the lines of, "EARS SHOULDN'T LEAK!"

Hmmm...maybe she had me there. Self-doubt creeped in, followed by the words, "This could be why Zac isn't talking yet. He could have hearing loss." There is no rational argument to that.

I drove down Saturday morning to the pediatrician by my parents' house and left Z. in the care of a sweaty Grandma and Grandpa, who took him to the doctor after their morning run. I was lucky enough to drive up to the Saturn dealership and spent the next fatigue-laced three hours finishing up, "The Time Traveler's Wife," which everyone should read, and the latest issue of People, which no one should read - ever, unless you've lived abroad and can fully appreciate how asinine the whole thing is.

Zac got better news than my car. The fluid meant that his ear tube was working correctly by stopping the fluid from collecting behind his ear drum and causing an infection. They gave him ear drops, just to make sure that the ol' tube kept up its good work and sent Z. home for a three hour nap. I found out that extended warranty shops take the ENTIRE weekend off for Labor Day. I spent my entire, weary, cranky morning waiting for that little nugget of information. I couldn't get my car fixed, even if I wanted to.

Personally, I've been struggling with some issues for a couple of weeks now. After two months of not getting my period, my beloved pill, is causing me to have some spotting. This normally wouldn't be a big deal, but the hormonal changes that occur while that is happening have caused some problems. I hate to chalk everything up to hormones because all of my underlying issues are still there, they are just exacerbated by the chemical changes. My face has been breaking out, horribly. I've been overeating because -ha!- if, "I'm ugly and miserable, why not be fat too?" I've gained back some of the weight I lost earlier in the spring and summer. Zac's constant need to explore everything, including all objects strategically placed on the tops of tables, has been getting under my skin. He's pushing more buttons than I knew I even had. Last night, he was tired, cranky, and started crying everytime I said the word, "No," which I said approximately thirteen hundred times. I started crying. Then I ate some more pizza and felt sick to my stomach.