Monday, May 22, 2006


I// spent all weekend at my parents' house and came home to find that my wonderful new co
uch had been delivered. Can you heart the heavenly host of angels singing? Ahh, damn, I love my couch. I love that I don't have to lay on the floor to watch any television show past 8:30pm (a time that no one should be required to sit in a straight-backed chair). I love that it now feels liks "home" rather than, "the sad place that I decided to move into because I didn't want to live with my parents forever". I still have to clean up EVERY NIGHT so the ants don't attack us in our sleep and my wool rug is still shedding so much that the vacuum cleaner works out more frequently than I do. And, yes, I still have to walk to a sketchy dumpster at the end of the parking lot to throw away my trash, but....the place is mine.

Just because it's Monday, I thought I would share my favorite pictures of Zac with the FOB:

Yep, that is my little man, beating up his biological father (No, I can't bring myself to call him his "Daddy". That man is not my child's Daddy) . I like to think he's defending my honor, like: "Why weren't you there when my Mommy was vomitting during labor because I didn't want to descend in the birth canal? Huh? Huh? Yeah, that's what I thought. No answer, sucka. I'm going to hit you and you're going to like it. Biotch"

Then there is this picture:

Yes, the FOB looks like he just finished a two-week bender with a stripper named Candy Cane, a fifth of Jack Daniels, and enough marijuana to make even the hippiest of hippy question whether it was a good idea to take another hit. What I see when I look at this picture, though, are the eyebrows on these two. They are almost identical in shape. Who knew that eyebrows were a genetic trait?

I think I'm going to keep this picture around when Zac is a teenager and wants to rebel. It will be like that old commercial: "This is your brain (an egg). This is your brain on drugs (egg frying in the frying pan." Only with Zac it will be, "This is half of your genetic chromosomes. This is half of your genetic chromosomes after thirty years of drinking and smoking. You decide."


wildflower said...

I hear you on the joys of a new couch! I just got one in April and it seriously changed my whole view of living alone. Suddenly, I liked spending time in my apartment. I feel like a real grown up, even though it is the only piece of furniture that I own.

And I support the idea of keeping the picture of the FOB around to 'scare Z-man straight' (so to speak) but you might want to make sure no one has any incriminating G-House pictures of you that could wind up in his teenage hands!

jenna said...

man, i have to say, i never want to see those pictures again. it seriously makes me ill.

Pregnant In Texas said...

Young, twenty-something revelry is one thing....thirty-year binge drinking and smoking is quite another. Plus, I never hurt anyone (besides some brain cells and parts of my liver - but I haven't really missed those much) during nights in the G-House.

The FOB forced me to leave the apartment I had lived in for over a year because he wouldn't keep all of his scuzzy friends from showing up high looking for drugs and a party.

p said...

FOB is totally abusing that Red Sox hat and needs to take it off NOW before he jinxes them with his bad karma.

What an irresponsible twat! And what a cute kid :)


Jen said...

Don't worry, there are other incriminating pictures of her...we'll be sure to dig them out when Z asks! :) In NSP's defense, the FOB looks a bit less used up in person...because if I saw him like that, I would've probably dragged her away kicking and yelling.