4/04

So, lately when I've talked to my friends on the phone or over e-mail, I've been getting, "Oh my God! Really!! You didn't even mention that on your blog," which makes me wonder if I should stop communicating with all my friends, or stop writing on the blog.

Clearly, the blog posts are slowing down as Zac is speeding up. He is scooting across the floor on his elbows, dragging his legs behind him. If I had to gauge his speed, I would say it was somewhere between a three-legged dog and turtle, until he sees cat food. My child loves nothing more than putting his whole hand in cat food and scooping up five or six pieces to thrust in his open mouth. I know when he's trying to sneak over to the cat food bowl when he suddenly goes quiet. He's going after cat litter when he shrieks with joy. Lately I've been contemplating fencing him in in the middle of the living room so I can make dinner without wondering which orafice he's going to try to put something.

The big news is that I moved all of the major pieces of furniture this weekend into my new apartment in north H-town. I signed the lease and put down the deposit back in March and somewhere along the way, I neglected to post on here that I was preparing for the big move out on my own. S. and two of his friends, all with pick-up trucks, came over on Saturday to help me move my furniture. Is it odd that not only S., but his two closest friends would have pick-up trucks? I guess it's only odd in places other than Texas.

After four very hot hours, we finished the move and went out to sit in air conditioning and drink beer. I should be more grateful that these large men, who I barely know, came over to help me dissemble my son's crib and carry a very heavy, old dresser.

Things with S. are going....well, they're going. I would say good, except that we had a long conversation last night about "our relationship". I would normally rather chew nails than talk about "our relationship", but a few of the more aggressive people in his life had really been getting under my skin lately: primarily hordes of needy women. Literally, his phone rings off the hook. If he doesn't answer his cell, they'll call his house phone and keep calling until he picks it up. If someone did that to me, I'd answer the phone with a growl and an expletive, if I even answered the phone at all. He doesn't seem to see a problem with this behavior, nor does he seem to see a problem that he and his ex are taking a "break" from friendship (they broke up six months ago).

I'm afraid to care about him. Afraid to get involved with someone that has emotionally shady people in their life and, although I'm inherently trusting, I'm afraid to trust someone. Will I ever fully trust someone again? I feel like the FOB broke me.


P.S. - The lack of comments have really hurt lately. I didn't want people to stop commenting, just to respect that I didn't want my name up here. I LIKE hearing from those who read this piece of myself.