Wednesday, January 11, 2006

1/11

The new EOM (with parking spot included!) is having a hard time at work. I've at not just one, but TWO personality conflicts in the span of three days. I have a really, really hard time dealing with personality problems, mainly, when people have problems with me. I usually just deny that have problems with people and try to act friendly.

I may not look like it from the outside, but I'm extremely sensitive and definately into pleasing others. My entire line of work is about making other people's lives better. That has to say something about me. Ever since puberty, however, I've dealt with the fact that I make people angry. Not just a little anger that blows over in a couple of days. I'm talking - ANGERRRRRR. There is something about me that grates on other people.

Please don't tell me the bullshit about this happening to everyone because it doesn't, especially in work place environments. I see plenty of people who work professionally and not have problems with people. Or maybe they have a problem every odd year or so. This happens regularly to me.

Is it my age? My black and white outlook or determination to solve a problem and finish a task regardless of how someone might feel? (Wow, that question makes be sound like a bitch, no?) Even when I try and focus on how other people might feel, make "I" statements and say things like, "I want to check in with you. Have I done something to anger you?" People still say, "YES!"

I try and be a good person, treat others with respect, smile and say "Good morning" and "Have a good night,"but I consistently FAIL!!!! I hate failing. I'm an overachiever, dammit.

What sucks about this post is that I can hear my therapist in the background. She used to say that I was so good at beating myself up that when I start to do it, I should listen for her voice, the rational, calm one that says things like: "It's ok to not be perfect. You are going to have people in life that dislike you. It doesn't make you a bad person," and find the power within myself to fight back to my own negativity.

GRRRRRRRR

OK, Employee of the Month has a new decree - EVERYONE AT WORK MUST LIKE ME. If you don't like me, fake it for my own sanity.

2 comments:

p said...

Oh hey B, maybe it doesn't happen to everyone, but it definitely happens to me too. When I'm at work, sometimes I have to remember that yes, I do I have friends, and yes, they actually like me. I haven't had any confrontations, but I know when people don't like me and some (ok most) people in my department at work definitely don't like me. It could be because I don't have much in common with them, or they've picked up on my massive superiority complex :) ... but it stresses me out when I let it and I definitely feel sad and alienated sometimes. They didn't even throw me a birthday party, and they usually have cakes and parties for everyone's birthday! Lame! Whether people like you or not sometimes has more to do with them and not you. Keep that in mind.
xoxoxo for the EOM!
-P

jenna said...

hey, look at it this way - at least you didn't get writte up for sexually harrassing someone at work like i did!!
love,
j