"I used to be so little....."
My Mom, Dad, Zac, and I all missed our flight home from PA. My Dad thought that the flight was at 7:30am, but really it was at 6:00am. We arrived at 6:20am and - no plane. In the hurry to get to the airport, Zac apparently dropped a major bomb. I could smell it all the way through his pants, onesie, and blue fleece outerwear. As we were going through security, I thought about putting him right down on the conveyor belt and changing him, bringing a new meaning to the phrase: "Inappropriate jokes about bombs will not be tolerated," but didn't quite have the courage. Plus Zac was in the Baby Bjorn against my chest. I figured that I could just take him through the security check with him in the harness and change him on the other side.
Nope. The very nice security woman told me that I had to take him out of the harness, even while I was trying to take my shoes off and not fall on my head. The only way I could take the Baby Bjorn completely off is to have someone hold Zac while I get my arms out. My Mom and Dad were way ahead of me in the security line and going backwards tends to be frowned upon by our friendly TSA agents. So, the security woman gets the baby. He smells so bad at this point that she has to hold him straight out from his armpits, much like you would if someone handed you a pile of toxic waste. I had a feeling that she was trying to be polite, but she kept turning her head away from my son, probably thinking that she doesn't get paid enough to put up with his shit.
I'm handed the said shitty baby back and we finish going through security. My Mom and I head directly to the closest bathroom to change Zac. I'm peeling layer after layer of poopy clothes away until I finally get to his body. He's smeared poop all the way up his back, almost to his neck. I propped him up at the side of the sink, with his back to the faucet, and splashed water on his back. My Mom said that he was trying to look backward at the source of the water like, "What's going on back there?" Laughing about it might have made the whole situation ok, except that I had to carry the shitty clothes with me on an extremely full plane for four hours, where they continued to smell up the diaper bag and stink up the front of the plane.