Sunday, June 26, 2005


So, one of my favorite bloggers, SJ, is pregnant again with her second child. She thinks that it's going to be a boy and one of the funniest comments that she wrote was,

"The thought of a boy scares me. Sure, there’s the whole fact that everyone is going to try and make him a Tonka Truck carrying, Monster Truck watching, Card Carrying Hick. What I’m really worried about, however, is the weiner.
First off, I can’t imagine growing something with nuts and a wang in there. Second, these nuts and wang will emerge and someone is going to expect me to clean them. "

After I finished laughing, I realized that I haven't written very much recently about having a boy. When I found out at 20 weeks that Peanut was a boy, I wrote this entry, but then the issue of what biological sex my child would be kind of faded in my mind. HOWEVER, every time I go to get another ultrasound (I've had six during this tumultuous pregnancy because of injury and the little one deciding that he wanted to sit butt down on mommy's small intenstine for 26 weeks), the technicians go a little crazy pointing out his "boy parts". I've heard his penis referred to everything from a "turtle" to a "weiner" to a "winky". I even have one entire photograph of his scrotum with the word, "scrotum" typed on the picture, just in case you couldn't figure out how the Nerf golf balls ended up in my uterus. It seems that medical technicians are obsessed with my baby's growing genitalia.

I have to admit, that I'm not worried about a baby penis, being sprayed in the face with urine can only be SO bad....I'm worried about the toddler penis that he wants to play with and show everyone that comes into the house....about the pre-teen penis that decides it wants to start displaying its eruptive power in the middle of the night....about the teenage penis that takes over his brain until the age of thirty.....and morning wood. How am I going to be able to look at Peanut in the morning and ask if he wants Cheerios or Honey Nut Bran while he's pitching a tent in his boxer shorts? Do I make him wait to come into the kitchen until everything is back to normal? Do I pretend that (God help me) it's normal and that I'm a cool, hippie Mom that embraces sexuality and nudity in a five year-old?

OK, do you see my dilemma? I want to be supportive of his "boy parts", but I have this huge Puritan streak in me that kind of freaks out when I'm around penises. It's like God is forcing me to deal with my male gender and sexuality issues. This might be punishment for some of the things I said about men in my late teenage years. God knows....and apparently he remembers.


sarcastic journalist said...

OMG. I can't deal with masturbating teenage boys. Nope. I hope he'll leave his pitched tent in his room when he comes down for breakfast.

Pregnant in Texas said...

What if he can't though? Don't teenage boys just get erect sometimes for no reason? My Dad says that I shouldn't worry because young men will do everything in their power to hide their erections from their Mom, but I know that he had a strong male influence in his life that my child might be lacking at that age.

Can I rent a baby father somewhere? Is there a website called: mybaby' where some man will come out to my house and explain things to my son?

Men are encouraged to comment about this issue...

P-dawg said...

You have your daddy to help!

And there's no telling how many awesome, supportive male friends/more you'll make in the intervening eleven or so years that you have before Peanut starts pitching tents. :) As for show-and-tell toddlers, well, all kids do that, boys and girls. So you're screwed either way!

By the time he's old enough to be seriously into his turtle, he'll also be old enough to make his own damn breakfast - yours, too. You can just stay away until he's out of the house!

I can't believe I'm discussing your son's penis.


ETM said...

Having fostered my first baby boy and being a man here are some pointers. The first few weeks the boys are prone to peeing. If you get some on you won't die. Best approach is while removing the old diaper keep a lightweight towel to place over the old diaper as you pull it off. Now what is interesting is the old you've pulled the diaper off and your wiping them off. Your putting the new diaper on and remove the towel and pull the front of the diaper up quickly. In my 4 months with little man, I only got caught once with him tinkling as I switched out diapers. It's really no big deal.

Regarding erections. Facts of life and are religious upbringing can sometimes hamper dealing honestly with emotions young soon to be adults may have. The fact is around 14 or so, mother nature/God starts throwing those crazy chemicals in our bodies. I mean if you think about things, a little over a 100 years or ago you can find records where people were marrying at 16 and 15. I know I've found some of those records in my family tree going back 300 years. So you can expect a young man to begin to get excited at that age. What needs to be taught is discretion... and that is the better part of valor.