3/01

Yesterday at work my cell phone rang, which is unusual because I don't get that many calls at work. It was the OB-GYN's office calling to tell me that the results of my pap smear and ultrasound had come back. All of the really bad stuff was negative (HIV, gonorrhea, the clap, yeast infection) and all of the pretty good stuff tested positive (healthy cervix and baby that likes to move around). Then she told me that during my ultrasound, the baby was in the breech position. You are probably thinking: "Babies move all the time. Just wait fifteen minutes, take a picture and then it won't be in that position anymore." But, it's not that. I was on that ultrasound table for almost an hour and a half. The procedure took so long because the baby wouldn't turn over onto its stomach. The technician wanted to count his vertebrae so she kept shaking my belly, having me roll over onto my sides and finally just waiting. She said that the baby was having a hard time switching positions.

I now have to go back for another ultrasound in four weeks (24 weeks) to see what position the baby is in. If he is still facing the world butt first then I'll have another ultrasound at 36 weeks. If we are still looking breech, then they will talk about scheduling a C-section. According to some of the research I've read, midwives and doctors have gotten out of the practice of vaginally delivering breech babies because of the complications involved. The rates of C-sections are soaring. If the baby comes out butt or feet first, the cervix might not be dilated or stretched far enough to allow the head to come out. Once the umblical cord is exposed to air, it starts to congeal and stops providing oxygen to the baby. The baby suffocates while trapped inside the woman.

There are a lot of reasons why a baby could be breech at 20 weeks: birth defects, a sign of premature birth, misshapen uterus, too much amniotic fluid, too strong of abdominal muscles, placeta prevaria or the baby could just like facing that way. No one really knows. I'm scared right now and trying to convince myself that everything is going to be ok. When I got home from work I laid down in my bed and cried. I felt so alone and so terrified that something might be wrong with the baby. At my most upset I realized that I wasn't feeling my heartbeat in my stomach anymore, I was feeling something else. It felt like a fluttering of fingers or butterfly wings, but it came from the inside. It was my son.