Tuesday, January 02, 2007

1/02

I've avoided writing any, "End of 2006, Beginning of 2007" posts because I've been too busy trying to figure out why Zac is screaming at the top of his lungs for hours at a time. I've also just never been much of a New Year's Resolution type of person. It might be a lack of optimism on my part or maybe just the knowledge that I'm not very good at following through on things.

That isn't actually true, though. It's just that I have a hard time admitting, out loud, that I want to change something in myself. It feels intensely private and I wrestled with acknowledging my desired changes on this blog. Then I realized that it would be ridiculous for me to write everyday and try to pretend that I wasn't making major changes in my life. It would almost invalidate what I was hoping to accomplish.

So, my New Year's Resolution for 2007 involves taking better care of myself. While Zac was at my parents' house in between Christmas and New Year's, I realized how much time and energy I spend taking care of him, cleaning our apartment, trying to keep the cat from running out the front door, managing our finances, doing the dishes, watering the plants, and basically keeping everything from molding or dying. Taking care of myself, mentally, physically, spiritually, was always the last on the list, if I even managed to make it on the list.

No more.

I realized that I couldn't keep living my life the way I had been. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a woman that was prematurely aging, who looked unhappy and, more importantly, unhealthy. The fear and shame of having to admit that I need more support to reach my health goals kept me from even discussing my desire to move beyond Weight Watchers or casual dieting. Add in the significant cost of the program and the prepackaged foods and you can quickly see why the edict of: I will take better care of myself, feels so huge. I've made a financial and emotional commitment to use my actions to mirror my belief in my own self-worth.

On January 1st, I joined Jenny Craig. On January 2nd, I went to the dermatologist to get the weird bumps on my arms looked at and to get my elbows to stop itching (keratosis and ecsema, respectfully) and walked to the daycare with a stroller to pick up Zac instead of driving. I have an appointment to get new contact lenses next week and need to schedule a follow-up appointment with a dentist to get the permanent crowns put on my three post-root canal teeth. I've stopped dating at the moment and plan to use this time to focus on loving myself and being the best parent that I can be.

I've decided that I'm going to use this blog to track my progress in keeping my resolution. It involves a lot more than just weight loss, but right now (since I'm hungry and I'm not scheduled to eat again for another 30 minutes), the weight loss program is weighing most heavily on my mind (pun intended).

Here are my assumptions about Jenny Craig and my weight loss:

Assumption #1: I will have more time to exercise and be with Zac if I don't have to prepare my own meals every day. (This was the number 1 motivator for me to join).

Assumption #2: It will be easy for me to lose weight on this program, which automatically sets my daily caloric intake to 1500 calories with a combination of prepackaged, frozen and dry, foods and fresh fruits, vegetables, and dairy.

Assumption #3: I will have more energy and more desire to exercise once I lose weight.

Assumption #4: The cost of the program will only be slightly higher than the cost of me shopping and preparing for all my own food.

Assumption #5: I have a history of issues with food that I might be able to resolve with one-on-one counseling and personalized support.

I'll leave it at those five assumptions for now. My decision to join a hugely successful marketing campaign (hi Kirstie Alley! Don't listen to the haters. I loved you on Oprah), is only part of my resolution. I'm focusing on it because it felt the hardest to do and the hardest to admit to my friends and family. I cried on the way home in the car after my counselor gave me the "Before" profile shot of myself. Hopefully, over the coming months, I will be able to finally affirm my final assumption:

My self-worth is not tied to my weight loss. I am not my body, although I need to cherish and respect the body that supports me.

16 comments:

Ali said...

Woohoo! Good for you! You know, having meals already prepared for you would be so nice. Saves so much time. Anyway, I look forward to seeing your progress, I know you will grow leaps and bounds!

I got your message the other night and will be calling you back. I'm still in Utah, but leave tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

it really helps to find exercise that you look forward to... i personally love yoga the most right now... also enjoy running and biking... when i dont feel like running, i walk,etc..

best of luck to you...

carolyn in austin

doow said...

Best of luck with the new regime - it sounds like the perfect way to control what you're eating :-)

Anonymous said...

Just out of curiosity how much do you end up paying for Jenny Craig a month (approximently)

Pregnant In Texas said...

Anon,

I'm going to total up the costs soon after I've been on the program for one month. I'm going to compare it to the amount that I spent on food when I was preparing all of my meals.

Anonymous said...

yay! good luck to you! you're very inspiring.

Dee said...

Wishing you lots of good luck on your new commitment. I know you can do it. Now I just have to convince myself that I can do it too!

Caroline said...

Good luck to you. You'll have to let us all know how much you like Jenny Craig and if it's too expensive, etc.

Anonymous said...

I have always wanted to try Jenny Craig, but I would still have to buy food and prepare it for my family, so it would not save me any time, money or energy. I hope it works for you.

CruiserMel said...

Geez, I left a comment earlier and now it's gone. Hmm, maybe I didn't pay attention to the word verif thingy.

Anyway - you're going to feel really good about yourself when you see the pounds coming off the scale. You will also feel better physically.

I did NutriSystem in the spring and summer and lost pretty easily - but did a bunch of power-walking. I almost thing the walking was the part that actually sealed the deal. But fall came and I gained some back. You've given me a reason to start again!

Good luck!

Nicole said...

Hi, I've been reading (lurking) for some time now, and I love your blog. Good luck!

Sgt said...

@anonymous: You can control your diet and still feed your family by tracking the calories and nutritional information of the meals your prepare/purchase.

There are plenty of nutritional guides online that list, based on your goals, what and how much you should eat.

When I was a personal trainer I was surprised at how much some people spent on these programs. For most, the main benefit is having a support group and someone checking their weight.

When in doubt, the simple and free method is eatting in moderation, exercise and plenty of water.

Good luck Not-So-Preg. Stick to the program and you won't be disappointed.

annab said...

congratulations on your plan. i have to say that making the major lifestyle change of switching to prepared foods is a very great thing. saving the time will give you more time to take better care of yourself, yay.
sending you and zac the very best.

melanie said...

i'm totally inspired by you, having made not a single new year's resolution myself. i hope that this time of reflection and dedication to yourself brings you more happiness in 2007.

wildflower said...

I agree with fried eggs - switching to prepared foods sounds like a great way to lose weight and gain time. I've heard that they key to getting healthy is to "do what works." I hope Jenny works for you! Call me if you need moral support. I'm getting back to eating right and going to the gym in 07 too!

jenna said...

omg, can't wait to read up and see how it's going. i've thought long and hard about joining jenny or nutri. i like jenny better but unfortunately there is no office near me - isn't that insane?! i work in the smack dab middle of center city philadelphia! sigh. so i am once again on WW. we'll see if i can stick to it this time and give it a real go.
congrats on a great goal - and not making it all about the weight and the numbers. good luck!!!