9/14

Well that was fun. I had just finished composing a post here and my work computer decided to play the "Let's shut off randomly while she's typing" game. They have a contract IT guy here that doesn't return phone calls. My computer has been doing that every day for almost two weeks now. I've been reduced to schlepping my laptop computer to and from work everyday, which is both heavy and annoying.

Anyways, I was writing that I rejoined the cult known as Weight Watchers after a month abscence from attending meetings. I regained 1.8 lbs, which isn't that bad considering how much I've been binging. Lately, I've been sitting down with my computer on my lap, playing with a blog template or IMing friends, with a bag of baked Cheetos beside me. When I look up, the bag is empty, which leaves me wondering, "Who ate all my chips?"

So, yet again, I pick up Zac, put him in the car, drive to the meeting, take him out of the car, and spent the next 45 minutes trying to keep him both occupied and quiet. The only problem is, my son loves to hear his own voice. He babbles, shouts, growls, and roars and chases after balls, pushes his toy trucks on the floor, and generally makes a big nuisance out of himself. I also want to start exercising again. I

've been taking walks with Zac in the jogging stroller that my friends got me for my baby shower, but I can't maintain enough enthusiasm to walk in Houston for the amount of time I need to get in shape. Running is especially difficult while holding onto a handlebar and trying to navigate traffic and 2ft sidewalks. Mostly, I want to take an aerobic or spin classes. Do 45 minutes on a eliptical trainer while watching the Today show. I want to share my sweat with other people who want to get in shape!!

Certainly, I can hire a babysitter to watch Zac, or even use the childcare facilities at the gym. It's just that he spends the E-N-T-I-R-E day at daycare, around other kids, sharing germs and head butting each other, away from Mommy. Most days, I think he likes day care. He seems to get bored on the weekends when he only has adults and toys to play with. It's just the thought of putting him back into that situation again, even to take care of my body, makes me cringe.

What I really want is someone to share the parenting duties with. I don't want someone to "watch" Zac while I'm not around, I want someone to love him. *Here is where the pity party starts in earnest. You might want to shield your eyes from direct exposure to my self-pity*

I want to be able to say: "Here. Here is my son Zac. He likes to eat at 5:45pm and you should hide all the bananas in the room if you want him to focus on eating dinner. He likes Hamburger Helper and sliced pears. Don't ask me why. He likes to throw balls on the floor and he will expect you to throw it back. Bathe him, love him like he is your own, and put him to bed. I'll be back in two hours." But there is no one there most days and those words die on my tongue, while I sit down to eat another bag of Cheetos.