Tuesday, May 09, 2006

5/09

I would like to start using phrases like: "You are the first person in the history of the world to...." more often. Or even better yet: "I am the first person in the history of the world to....". That phrase is sticking with me today, as I'm feeling melodramatic and sorry for myself. Wildflower told me that I was the first person in the history of the world to comment on her blog. I still smile to myself when I think about that. What a great feeling....the first in the world.

Here are my firsts today, which of course aren't really firsts. I'm hoping that as I write them, I will realize how mundane everything truly is, as all experiences are shared equally among sensitive creatures (especially insecure ones)

I am the first woman in the world to feel that I'll never find someone who will love both Zac and I.

I am the first woman in the world to question trying to date as a single Mom.

I am the first person in the world who gets excited by the thought of starting a new craft project after seeing an overpriced piece of art work on the CB2 website.

I am the first person in the world who actually knows what CB2 is and is excited.

I am the first woman in the world to look down at her flabby, distended stomach and rolls of skin and wonder if bringing life into the world actually ended my social life.

I am the first woman in the world to cry when I think about starting this next chapter of my life, alone, again.

4 comments:

wildflower said...

Well, my flabby tummy has never done something so impressive as bringing life into the world, but I can totally identify with how hard it is to be a single woman starting out with nothing in a big city. Many may remember this as the "I should have moved to Mnpls, where I have friends" period of my life. Others may know it as 2002-2003. Just remember that you are not really alone down there in Texas - I'm here any time you need me.

Jen said...

Woman - you can do better than him anyway, so shed no tears, just keep on being you and you'll get through it. Just because you aren't the first person in the world to feel these things doesn't mean that they aren't an important event in your life. xxx

jenna said...

i heart you, B. i hear you got an invite to hang out with drea this weekend - take her up on it.
love,
j

Ali said...

Oh honey, do NOT allow the fact that things didn't work out with someone define what you are capable of. I know, easy for me to say. I know how you feel, truly I do. Single mom here for the last 4 1/2 years. Granted, I took over a year off from dating. Didn't want to go there, didn't make eye contact with the opposite sex, had no desire what-so-ever.

And you know what? I am so glad I took all that time for it to be just my daughter and I. I wouldn't trade that for the world. Use this time to enjoy Zach, just the two of you. Use this time to really find your interests. Learn to love the alone time. I know it is hard at first, I know, but believe me when I say you learn to love it.

Will you date guys that just don't get what it takes to have to actually think about someone other than themselves? Yep! You would rather you had Zach or not, Zach is just a great way to bring it out of them faster. While it is hard to date as a single mom, I truly believe it weeds out so many losers very nicely.

Surround yourself with great friends. Take Zach to swing in the park. Figure yourself out and the rest will fall into place, believe me. I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt/hat/koozie/whatever else. I've dated loads of weirdos and freaks because that is pretty much all that is out there, I decided. I now am dating the coolest guy ever. Just fell into my lap out of the blue and has restored my faith in it all. What I am the happiest about? Knowing that I don't need to be with him, that I was ok being by myself before, but I like to hang out with him and he makes things better. That is empowering!