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Well, as I was driving to work today, I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. I wanted to keep driving until I got somewhere without traffic, where I could forget about the person I am, or the life that I'm leading. The only hard part about escaping is that once you are there, well, you turn around and there you are. All of your problems, insecurities, and fears follow you wherever you manage to be. I wouldn't mind being somewhere else, though. At least my neuroses could look at something other than the back of a SUV or yet another concrete road divided by a yellow line. I miss seeing trees and experiencing the thrill of looking forward to something other than crushing disappointment.
One of the comments that I had to remove from a previous entry mentioned my "confidence and strength from afar". My perceived confidence and inner strength has always masked my true fears about myself and my place in the world. I use it as a way to push people away and keep them from seeing how vulnerable I feel. I'm afraid of everything, but instead of letting my fear stop me from making the same mistakes over and over, I ignore it and keep jumping off the bridge, thinking this time, just maybe, I can actually fly.