Right now...the baby is sleeping and I have a couple of minutes to write. I was stupid yesterday and tried to pick up the 40 lbs stroller when Peanut, Grandma, and I went to Babies R' Us. The pain in my incision is enough to tell me that I shouldn't try that again for a couple of weeks. My favorite part is when I sneeze or cough and I get this great burning sensation in my stomach. As my friends and family keep telling me though, I could have stiches in my crotch or near the other hole. On the other hand, have you ever tried to suppress a cough? It's not as easy as it sounds.
I'm posting a picture of Peanut in comparison to another object. The teddy bear is normal teddy bear size and the purpose of this picture is to put to rest the "Oh My God, your child is huge!" phenomenon. He is newborn size. He wears newborn diapers, newborn onesies, and newborn socks. Yes, he is 9 pounds, 5 ounces now (the NICU is pretty hardcore about beefing kids up fast. It's like baby boot camp in there for eating) and yes, he's 21 inches long (the average newborn is 15-24 inches), but to me, he's heartbreakingly small. As in, "How the hell did I get the enormous responsibility of taking care of something so small? (Don't answer that. I know how it happened and why, but you're not my subconscious speaking at 3am) Who authorized this? Don't they know that sometimes I sleep until 2pm? That I sometimes care more about myself than other people? This is a human here!!!!" Besides, if anyone gets to call my child huge, it's me. Not you. End of story.
My love and grateful thanks goes out to L. for talking to me last night and calming me down during the worst of my paranoia. Thank you. You are a great friend.